FictionBot Version 1 1
by Smeepalicious
Summary: Your wish is my command- just request the story you're dying to see and watch it magically appear! Just 19.95 plus shipping and handling. Please allow 3-5 millennia for delivery. Some assembly required.
1. Welcome to FictionBot

Welcome. My name is FictionBot V.1.1, also known as Smeep, and I'm here to fulfill your wildest YuGiOh fanfiction fantasies. Send me a review, a PM, or a carrier pigeon, and I'll write you any story you like, be it the epic melodrama of the century, crackish beyond the realm of human comprehension, or so fluffy you can't tell if it's a monster or a dessert topping (See Season 5 episode 215, Bakura v. Yuugi). I will do any style, genre, pairing, or situation EXCEPT YamixTea.

This is your chance to let FictionBot V.1.1 chew up Kazuki Takahashi's wonderful work and spit it out in a totally unrecognizable form at your whim. What are you waiting for?!

(Oh, and if these stories look eerily familiar, well… that's because they are. After technical difficulties with the original story, entitled "YouPick Story Challenge," I was forced to take it down and replace it with this snazzy new story. Sorry if it bugged you!)


	2. FIC01, a Self Challenge

* * *

FIC 01: Of Novels, Kindness, and "Sporting Events"

**Genre**: Gen/Light Angst

**Rating**: T

**Setting**: A few months post-series

**POV**: Yuugi Mutou

**Prompt**: "A character writes a book. A character is kind throughout most of the story. The story ends during a sporting event."

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. Not even the basic storyline. Gah, I'm such a failure.

* * *

"Mr. Mutou! Mr. Mutou, is it true?"

"Certainly you can't be serious, Mr. Mutou!"

"Do you have a few words for your heartbroken fans?"

Yuugi was not feeling very well that morning- nor had he been for several consecutive months' worth of mornings, with good reason- and he found himself suddenly very conflicted between two impulses: the first, his overwhelming propensity towards kindness and compassion for anybody he met, and the second, his overwhelming desire to take the reporters' obtruding microphones and shove them where the sun doesn't shine. He settled for the happy medium of swatting at the more aggressive members of the press like so many unwelcome gnats and remaining silent as he attempted to exit the Kame Game Shop.

"Mr. Mutou, a moment of your time, _please_!" A young woman stepped into his path, blocking his only route of escape as the rest of the pack closed in around them. "Is it true that you're retiring from competitive Duel Monsters?"

Yuugi sighed.

"Yeah, that's my intention." His voice was even and he spoke every word deliberately, suppressing his irritation to the best of his abilities. "I wouldn't have said it if it weren't true."

"Mr. Mutou!" This time a man with a mustache and a very obvious hairpiece was the one to block his attempt to muscle through the throng of reporters. "There's been quite an uproar about your recent biography. People are reluctant to believe your story- do you have any comments?" It took all of Yuugi's considerable willpower not to smash the lens of the camera bearing down upon him.

"People can believe whatever they want. I told Ms. Hawkins the truth, and that's exactly what she wrote." Yuugi smiled at that point. 'Requested' would be putting it lightly; Rebecca had all but tied him to his seat to get the interviews she needed. Yuugi wanted nothing to do with the spotlight, but after the Professor's stroke she needed some way to finance herself; graduate school student or no, child labor laws still apply. Despite the negative aftereffects, Yuugi was glad to have helped. "Now please, I really have to go- I can't be late." He shoved past the disgruntled man, apologizing reflexively as he ran into reporter after reporter until he made it, panting, to the bus stop. He leaned against the signpost to catch his breath, his hands in his pockets. He moved reflexively to run the fingers of his left hand over his dueling deck, remembering with a jolt that said dueling deck was not in said pocket- it was back at his home, in the golden chest bearing the Eye of Horus, along with-

Yuugi bit back the thought and the wave of pain it sent shooting through his chest, choosing instead to focus on the junebeetle now scurrying its iridescent way across his shoe, blissfully unaware of the danger it would be in if it had selected the shoe of anyone other than Yuugi Mutou. He smiled down at the insect as it completed its journey across the wide black hill and crawled down onto the sidewalk. The squeal of a braking bus broke him from his daydream, and the door opened with a puffing noise that Yuugi could never really understand- it was almost as if the bus was exhaling. He snorted at his odd train of thought and boarded the vehicle, moving immediately to the back row of seats where he would hopefully be left in peace.

His wish was mercifully granted, and the next time the bus settled against the sidewalk in Downtown Domino it expelled Yuugi along with its strange breath. He looked up at the Blue Eyes White Dragon staring imposingly back down at him against the backdrop of the Kaiba Land front gate and nodded in tribute before proceeding directly to the Dueling Arena and climbing to the Top Box to take his seat, nodding to the anonymous guard as he did so.

"Yuugi!" A mop of dark hair whizzed through the air at top speed, and the attached child latched himself firmly to Yuugi's waist the moment he entered the box.

"Hello Mokuba," he said, laughing and attempting to pry the overenthusiastic boy off of him.

"Mokuba," a low voice reprimanded from the other side of the box. "That's impolite."

"Sorry, Big Brother…" Mokuba let his arms fall and Yuugi rubbed his side gratefully as Seto Kaiba crossed the room and nodded, extending a hand that Yuugi accepted with a smile.

"It's good to see you, Kaiba."

"I can't say your little press release didn't surprise me, Yuugi. I was sure I'd see you in the arena."

"I could say the same. Why didn't you participate?" Kaiba laughed and shrugged his shoulders.

"You're retiring with your title, Yuugi. If I can't win it from you, what's the point?"

"You know we all think that's idiotic, Kaiba."

"Yes, I really care what you dorks think is idiotic," Kaiba said, utilizing the old moniker affectionately. "But why are you retiring, Yuugi?"

"I… lost my motivation," Yuugi hedged, lavender eyes darkening ever so slightly.

"Hm," Kaiba acknowledged, his expression scrutinizing. "That… 'motivation' wouldn't happen to have been a millennia- old spirit who may or may not have been a figment of your riotously overactive imagination, would it?" He waited a few moments, and took Yuugi's silence as an affirmation. He hm-ed again and moved to watch the duel now enfolding below them.

"You haven't changed much, Kaiba."

"I try my best, but you dorks seem to keep getting in my way."

The two former champions watched Joey Wheeler battle Jean Claude Magnum for the title victory in amiable silence, and Yuugi was contented just with that.

* * *

Okay, so I took 'Sporting Event' a bit loosely, but hey- it's Yu-Gi-Oh. They don't call him the King of Games because he rocks at Soccer.

Also, contrary to popular belief, Quentin (my muse) is not nocturnal. No, I do all my writing at two in the morning because I _feel_ like it. –glares- If this thing goes completely off track near the end, BLAME QUEN!

Lastly, if you have a prompt you'd like to see, **please** feel free to include it in a review- I never turn down a good challenge, and I'd love to see what sorts of things you guys want.


	3. FIC02, for Dancers

A challenge from _dancers of the night_; and I really mean challenge! I've never written anything in this genre or style before, and I found it extremely difficult, but also quite rewarding. I hope you like reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

* * *

FIC 03: Of Murder, Mystery, and Mayhem

**Genre**: Mystery

**Rating**: T

**Setting**: AU; Kaiba Manor, winter of 1949

**POV**: Case File #327

**Prompt**: "Can you do a mystery one?" For _dancers of the night_.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. NOTHING, I SAY!

* * *

**Case File #327: Homicide**

Case Notes (transcribed from Dictaphone):

Private Investigator Yuugi Mutou. December 25, 1949.

5:32 pm:  
Acting off an anonymous tip, I have secured an invitation to Kaiba Manor for the annual Christmas party. It was requested that I come undercover, so I am posing as a student from Britain interested in Mr. Kaiba's recently funded discoveries in Ancient Egypt. I have secured a guest list from the butler, Roland. Also attending the party will be three students: Tristan Taylor, Duke Devlin, and Joseph Wheeler, two prominent members of the Egyptian excavation: Solomon Hawkins and his assistant Marik Ishtar, Gozaburo's stepson Seto Kaiba and his brother Mokuba, and Gozaburo himself.

5:40 pm:  
Guests have begun arriving. Solomon appears to be arguing with Marik about an artifact the Egyptian insisted upon bringing, Joseph and Tristan are playing cards in a corner, Devlin is lounging against a wall impatiently, and the Kaibas are milling about. I have thus far observed Gozaburo Kaiba to be a rather unpleasant man, and Seto seems unhappy to be at the party but is otherwise quite silent. Mokuba has not yet been downstairs.

6:52 pm:  
Dinner conversation seems centered mostly around three topics: a major scholarship Gozaburo's company has just awarded to the students present, the excavation in Egypt that Mr. Kaiba has recently funded, and Seto Kaiba's prospects for the inheritance of KaibaCorp Industrial Steel. Solomon is enthusiastic about his recent finds in the Egyptian excavation, but frequently warns Gozaburo against sale of the artifacts to private collectors. According to both the archaeologists, the native Egyptians are incensed at the prospect of their riches winding up anywhere but in a museum for the general welfare. Gozaburo does not appear to pay Solomon or Marik much heed. All three of the invited students are apparently top-notch and studying business, and upon graduation will be taking important positions at KaibaCorp. As to Seto, the young man in question does not seem keen to draw attention to himself, although Gozaburo has made it no secret that Seto will inherit his company as soon as he graduates school, just before the rest of the students present. Occasionally Gozaburo will glare at the boy when this is mentioned. Investigate this hostility further_… _(A crash of glass; the sound of the Dictaphone being placed in a pocket. Conversation is muffled.)  
"Miss, are you all right?"_  
"Agh, worthless maid. Don't just stand there, you useless lump. Clean up this tray."  
"Ah! F'give me, mista Kaiba, I din mean ta…"  
"Is… something wrong"  
"For the love of… why won't she move?"  
_"What's wrong with her?"_  
"… Nothing. I am perfectly fine. Sorry about the mess, Mr. Kaiba. Dessert will be out in a few moments."_

7:28 pm:  
(Muffled screams and general sounds of chaos) Gozaburo has just collapsed, and… (scream) Hold on, what's going on? Stop right there- _What do you think you're doing_?! Stop, I'm an officer of the…  
_"Ya nutcase! Quit it!"_  
_"No, please, I did what you told me to do! Please!"_

Case Conclusion:

After this point, the Dictaphone account ends. Tristan Taylor and Duke Devlin, two students who match descriptions given by Inspector Mutou as guests at the party, as well as the dig assistant Marik Ishtar later testified against one Seto Kaiba, son of Gozaburo, charging him with poisoning his stepfather and brutally stabbing Inspector Mutou, Solomon Hawkins, and Joseph Wheeler. No murder weapon was discovered, but all other evidence supports the students' claims. Kaiba pled 'not guilty,' but was convicted of quadruple homicide and sentenced to life in prison. His sentence was called into question when both Tristan Taylor and Duke Devlin were admitted to a mental institution two weeks after the trial along with the staff of Kaiba Manor, but the courts discounted it as trauma and sustained their decision based on the still-valid testimony of Mr. Ishtar.

Victims:

Kaiba, Gozaburo; Male; Born September 12, 1902; Owner and President of KaibaCorp Industrial Steel.

Wheeler, Joseph; Male; Born January 25, 1933; Student

Hawkins, Solomon; Male; Born October 4, 1877; Archaeologist

Mutou, Yuugi; Male; Born June 4, 1933; Private Investigator

Perpetrator:

Kaiba, Seto; Male; Born October 25, 1931; Son of Gozaburo Kaiba

**CASE CLOSED**

_Authorized February 12, 1950_

_Valon Thompson, Chief of Police_

* * *

So… who can tell me what _really_ happened? –evilgrin- Cookies if you can guess it right!

As always, if you have a prompt or challenge for me, **please** feel free to include it in a review, and you'll see it in print as soon as I can spit it on out.


	4. FIC03, for Beans

FIC 04: Of Happy Kuriboh Face Pancakes

**Genre**: Romance/Humor

**Rating**: K

**Setting**: Right after the duel in Smalltown USA, Season 5

**POV**: Narrator

**Prompt**: "A Leon/Rebecca" _for the lovely miss wowzaCOOLbeans_

**Disclaimer**: If I owned Yu-Gi-Oh, GX would just be a baaaad dream…

* * *

Rebecca shifted uncomfortably in her chair and glared down menacingly as the atrocity of a breakfast was set in front of her. It wasn't that the food itself was all that bad. She supposed it would taste okay, if she could bring herself to eat it, but taste wasn't the problem. The problem was the artistically jagged edges of the offending pastry, the four dollops of green icing around its edges, and the two strategically placed chocolate chips in the center. That, and the fact that her opponent had, for some unknown reason, insisted upon purchasing her a consolatory Happy Kuriboh Face Pancake at the Kaibaland Pancake Emporium. She did not appreciate the gesture.

"What's wrong, Rebecca? Aren't you hungry?" Leon Wilson, whose highly enviable stack of blueberry pancakes was already a distant memory, tilted his head in inquiry. "It's not poison, pinky swear."

"Hmph."

"Come on, you can't still be mad at me, can you?"

"Of course I'm not," Rebecca retorted, her voice slightly petulant. "It's not _your_ fault that Yugi was late to my duel." Her glare intensified as Leon laughed merrily.

"Does Yugi duel for you?"

"Of course not, but he _is_ my boyfriend."

"Is he?" Leon now looked genuinely intrigued. "I thought he was a bit… older than us."

"My love for Yugi isn't about age! He's my lucky charm." Her arms crossed her chest peevishly. "You're just jealous."

"Yeah, I suppose I am…" Rebecca blushed furiously, but Leon seemed unaffected. "Wow, the King of Games, huh?"

"Wait, are you- I mean, you- I…" Rebecca stuttered.

"I'll bet he gives you dueling lessons and everything…"

"O…Oh. I mean, yeah! Every weekend," she fibbed.

"Maybe you could teach me a few tricks? I mean, if Yugi wouldn't mind."

"I don't know…"

"Great! Next Saturday, then?"

"I…"

"You really should eat something. Here," he said, reaching his fork across the table and tearing off a portion of the Kuriboh's head, popping it into Rebecca's mouth mid-protest. "Meet me by the practice rings, five PM, okay?"

"I never said…" The fork dangled, forgotten, from Rebecca's mouth as Leon crossed to her seat, bent over, and pecked her on the cheek.

"5 pm," Leon repeated, and walked out of the restaurant. Rebecca sat dumbfounded for a few moments.

"…GRANDPA! Will you come pay the check?"

* * *

...That was disproportionately difficult to write. Hope you enjoyed it! As usual, best wishes for Peace, Love, and the Slow, Painful Demise of your Enemies.

Challenges In Queue (order is variable):

1. A Kaiba/Ishizu  
2. A Shadi/Ishizu  
3. Atemu Goes to the Mall  
4. A Pegasus/Zigfried  
5. A Kaiba/Zigfried  
6. A Mai/Valon  
7. Puppyshipping; dinner at Red Lobster  
8. A Zorc Bakura/Marik  
9. A story that has to do with green tea, pencils, waffles, blankets, applesauce, rubber ducks, potatoes, and Kaiba to top it off.


	5. FIC04, for Beans

FIC 04: Of Romance Without Personality

**Genre**: Romance

**Rating**: T

**Setting**: Domino Museum and the Ancient Past

**POV**: Seto Kaiba

**Prompt**: "A Kaiba/Ishizu" _for the lovely miss wowzaCOOLbeans_

**Disclaimer**: Why, yes, my name _is_ Kazuki Takahashi… Oh, wait. It's not.

* * *

"Welcome back, Seto Kaiba." The Egyptian benefactress did not turn her eyes from the stele on the wall when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs behind her. Kaiba sighed and set his briefcase down, gaze boring into the woman's back.

"Cut the formalities, Ishizu, you know why I'm here- or are you finally going to admit that your psychic mumbo-jumbo is just a load of nonsense?"

"You have seen for yourself the power of the Millennium Necklace. There is nothing more I can do to make you believe."

"And supposing for a few moments that I'm willing to play along with you freaks?"

"I will be able to give you the answer you seek, if you are prepared to accept it. I have foreseen that you will not be entirely pleased, but I have also seen that you have no intention of listening to any advice I give."

"I must be insane…" Kaiba muttered as he held his arms wide in defeat and Ishizu's trinket hurled him into a vision.

_The sandstone walls and robed weirdoes scurrying about didn't exactly surprise Kaiba; he should have known Ishizu would start spouting out the ancient Egyptian nonsense, but he couldn't help hoping he would be shown a vision of himself- some portion of his own past that he'd forgotten, something he'd missed- but it appeared luck was not on his side._

"_So tell me what we're doing in this sandy dump, Ishizu," he demanded, turning to see the translucent woman standing beside him._

"_This is what you wanted, isn't it, Kaiba? To see the origin of your dreams?" He scowled. Leave it to that prying prophetess to know his most personal secrets… but he couldn't help wondering about the white-haired woman who kept appearing to him at night. Ever since he'd been to the museum and experienced the visions of the past, he hadn't been able to get her out of his head; in all the years she'd been haunting his dreams she never said or did anything at all, often simply lying in his arms as though dead, but he couldn't shake his curiosity._

"_Just show me the woman and let me get back to my life. I've only been here a minute and I'm already bored." Ishizu barely had time to admonish him for his lack of patience before a blur of white, gold, and blue came hurtling down the hallway at breakneck speed, scrolls of papyrus flying in its wake. Ishizu motioned that they should follow, and they moved, unnoticed, down the hallway to the door in front of which the now-recognizable and highly agitated Priest Seth skidded to a halt. Straightening his headdress and attempting to look dignified, the High Priest pushed at the gaudy slab of gold masquerading as a respectable doorway and Kaiba found himself in a cavernous throne room. He had to suppress a growl when he saw the figure situated in the high-backed chair at the zenith of the chamber._

"_I apologize for my lateness, your Majesty," the priest repented. "I beg your forgiveness." Kaiba grumbled at his ancient doppelganger's lack of spine._

"_You are not particularly late, my friend, and if you were you would be readily forgiven. Do you have the report on our city's defenses?" The brunet fumbled around for a few moments with the stack of papyrus in his arms before withdrawing a leaf of the stiff reed paper covered in hieratic script. He hurried to the raised dais and presented it to the Pharaoh, waiting stoically as his ruler's crimson eyes scanned the page. The Pharaoh nodded a few times, sighed, and rolled the parchment up. "You know what I need you to do, Seth."_

"_Your Majesty, perhaps there is another way! She is merely a young girl…" The look in the Pharaoh's narrow eyes silenced the priest._

"_The safety of Egypt is foremost. I cannot allow my kingdom to suffer for the wellbeing of a single girl. We need the White Dragon's power, and you will do as I command!"_

_Several tense moments passed before Seth bowed, his eyes never leaving the king's crimson ones. "Of course, your Majesty." A fiery spark of rebellion shone in the priest's eyes. Whatever it was that the king was demanding apparently did not sit well with the High Priest of Egypt. He exited the throne room, and Kaiba sighed heavily._

"_How much longer do you expect me to stay here, Ishizu? I asked for answers, not a game of ancient Egyptian tag," Kaiba complained as they were forced to hurry after the priest once again._

"_Patience, Kaiba. All will soon be revealed."_

"_Drop the mystic one-liners, you aren't impressing anybody."_

"_I assure you, I have no intention of trying to impress you, Seto Kaiba. Your presence speaks for itself."_

"_Whatever gets you through the day, Ishizu. Just where is this idiot rushing to?" They had turned a corner into a narrow stone hallway, and the priest appeared to be heading quite purposefully towards a plain archway in the middle of the hall. He paused just outside it and took a deep breath, unaware of his future counterpart behaving similarly a few steps behind him. Were his hands shaking? Kaiba felt a jolt of anticipation- perhaps the girl was inside! He could finally see her, finally discover why his heart raced when he thought of her… wait…_

"_What the _hell_ am I doing here?" Kaiba burst out. "I'm mooning over some albino tramp I've never met, who lived god-only-knows how many years ago in Ancient-freaking-Egypt! This is complete and utter _dragonshit_! Ishizu, take me home immediately!" Ishizu blinked several times and frowned at the brunet, obviously taken aback. "Are you deaf? Take me home." He crossed his arms belligerently as he waited for the tomb keeper to obey his command._

The moment he was deposited back in the present time, Kaiba picked himself up from the floor, dusted off his trench coat, and turned to walk for the exit. "I thought you wanted to discover the identity of the girl from your dreams," Ishizu questioned. "I foresaw that you would…"

"Screw whatever you foresaw, Ishizu. I make my own destiny." He had almost reached his briefcase and the freedom beyond the exhibit doors when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to meet narrow, kohl-lined eyes.

"Kaiba, do you _still_ doubt the power of the-" Kaiba groaned and pressed a single finger to the woman's mouth, silencing her momentarily, and leaned in towards her.

"Why should I care if your little necklace gives you hallucinations? I told you, the past has nothing to do with me, and I make my own future." He withdrew his hand from her lips, trailing it instead down her cheek and bringing it to rest on the nape of her neck, enjoying her flabbergasted expression and slight blush. "How could you foresee a choice even I didn't see coming?" With that, he pulled the Egyptian across the distance between them and attacked her lips roughly with his own, savoring her exotic flavor and the adrenaline sending shockwaves down his spine. For several moments she stood meekly in his arms, shocked into compliance, and by the time she had gathered her wits enough to respond, Seto Kaiba was merely the hem of a white trench coat whipping around the corner.

* * *

Oh, yeah, BABY! Best fic yet. Took me forever, but it was TOTALLY worth it.

And yes, I know that Kisara wasn't in the palace at the same time as Atem was in the series, nor did said sexylicious pharaoh ever order her to be mashed into a pulp, then the resulting ooze strained for magical mystery monsters. This is simply a snippet of what I think the Ancient Past would have been like before the future-people started futzing with it; Atem knows who he is, and therefore is relatively capable of effectively ruling the country. He's also rather ruthless and badass at this point, having not yet been taught the value of friendship (a.k.a brainwashed) by the Yuugi-tachi.

As usual, if you have a prompt you'd like to see, **please** feel free to include it in a review.

Challenges In Queue (order is variable):

1. Return of the Pharaoh  
2. A heartwrenching epic poem about Tristan's time as a Robot Monkey  
3. A Mana/Yugi  
4. Atem Goes to the Mall  
5. A story that has to do with green tea, pencils, waffles, blankets, applesauce, rubber ducks, potatoes, and Kaiba.  
6. A Shadi/Ishizu  
7. A Mana/Atem  
8. A Pegasus/Zigfried  
9. Puppyshipping; dinner at Red Lobster  
10. A Zorc Bakura/Marik  
11. A Kaiba/Zigfried  
12. A Mai/Valon


End file.
